brian r stuckey » funny

How Decaf Coffee is made

Brian Stuckey — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 01:18:51 +0000

I have no idea who originally made this but hats off to them!

Happy toes

Brian Stuckey — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 02:26:12 +0000

How may ways are there to say I Love you?

Brian Stuckey — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 04:11:17 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

Live to see the city of the FUTURE

Brian Stuckey — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 05:15:38 +0000

The city of the FUTURE (1950) as predicted in 1925. Thanks for the good laugh, Popular Science!

The City Of The Future

(click to enlarge)

I don’t claim to be Einstein, but…

Brian Stuckey — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 00:19:59 +0000

But labeling a box “IED” might not be the best idea at a major airport. I found this box at a Delta counter in Minneapolis / St. Paul airport. Is this for real or was some over caffeinated misanthrope of an employee trying to mess with travelers? I wonder if TSA gives you a thorough check if you even talk about it….

Seriously, what genius thought up the naming of this box?

An improvised explosive device (IED), also known as a roadside bomb due to contemporary use, is a homemade bomb constructed and deployed in ways other than in conventional military action. One may be constructed of conventional military explosives, such as an artillery round, attached to a detonating mechanism.

IEDs may be used in terrorist actions or in unconventional warfare by guerrillas or commando forces in a theater of operations. In the 2003–present Iraq War, IEDs have been used extensively against coalition forces and by the end of 2007 they had become responsible for approximately 40% of coalition deaths in Iraq. They are also the weapon of choice for insurgent groups in the 2001–present Afghanistan War.

[from WIKIPEDIA]

At first if you don’t succeed

Brian Stuckey — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 10:04:29 +0000

At first if you don't succeed - skydiving isn't for you

Cthulhu Balloon

Brian Stuckey — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 05:00:35 +0000

Cthulhu is a fictional cosmic entity created by horror author H. P. Lovecraft in 1926. The first appearance of the entity was in the short story “The Call of Cthulhu” published in Weird Tales in 1928.

Cthulhu is one of the central Great Old Ones of the Lovecraft Mythos. It is often cited for the extreme descriptions given of its hideous appearance, its gargantuan size, and the abject terror that it evokes. Cthulhu is often referred to in science fiction and fantasy circles as a tongue-in-cheek shorthand for extreme horror or evil.

Things I’ve learned

Brian Stuckey — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 05:00:30 +0000

Forgetting your sister’s birthday says bad things about your priorities
Forgetting your twin sister’s birthday says bad things about your cognitive abilities
Wassabi peas do not constitute “dinner”
You can subconsciously turn off your alarm clock
Making toasted marshmallows over the stove is fun until they hit the burner, start on fire, cause lots of smoke and set off the fire detectors
Mitch Hedberg wasn’t kidding when he called it the “the emergency make the car smell funny lever”
When you’re a pedestrian and taunting cars, make sure to do it on a one way street with cars moving away from you.
People are stupid and, no matter how hard you try, that will never change
When laughing at other people, “use your inside voice”
Your musical guilty pleasures are not secret when you have iTunes sharing on
Do not download music between 1AM and 7AM. See Above.
While you might call yourself a “nerd” in the self-empowering sense, everyone else is using the traditional definition
Apparently people can wake up in the middle of the night screaming in a foreign language
Things made with cranberries rock. However, cranberries on their own taste like ass.
Forgiveness is easier to get than permission
#15 only works if it used sparingly
In practice, the difference between malice and stupidity is very small
When your hair stylist / barber tries to make small talk – don’t bring up politics.
People don’t go to your website for content. They go to it to see stupid videos, images, and top 10 lists.
No matter how hard you try, the world will never see the true harm of donating to the Salvation Army. Moreover, they don’t care that they are supporting a bigoted religious organization and there are better places to donate to.
0.99999… does equal one and no matter how hard you try, you cannot convince some people of this
You realize a sink full of water is an astonishingly large quantity when the trap below your kitchen sink breaks open and you have to clean it up.
The finger guard is on the paper cutter for a reason. In unrelated news, I don’t think I am allowed to use the paper cutter again.
When heavily medicated on Sudafed, it is advisable to keep to yourself.

by me – will be updated as I learn more

Volume Controls: design vs. expectation

Brian Stuckey — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 07:00:09 +0000

Old School Daft Punk

Brian Stuckey — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 03:56:16 +0000

I have no idea who originally created this. If you do, please leave a note in the comments!

(If you don’t know why this is funny, watch this.)

Click here to view the embedded video.

Let’s screw up BP’s ad budget

Brian Stuckey — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 17:01:44 +0000

If you’re upset that BP is trying to control information about their oil spill by buying oil tankers full of advertising (get it?) from Google, here is a simple solution:

Step one: Search for “Oil Spill” on the Google
Step two: Click on the sponsored ad
Step three: Profit (for Google at least…)

Every time you, a friend, a co-worker, or just about anyone else clicks on the Oil Spill sponsored link, Google charges BP over $1.20. That on it’s own isn’t a lot, but multiply that by the number of pissed off people and you can start to deplete their advertising budget. When the budget is spent, the ads disappear….or BP forks over more cash to Google. Either way, it feels good.

Click on this:

EVERY CLICK COSTS THEM OVER $1.20 (est.) Seriously:

How this works:

Any company can enroll in Google AdWords. Any company, like BP, can target specific search terms, such as “oil spill” and can have their ads displayed at the top of the search results.

Google charges BP every time a user clicks on the ads in the search results. Therefore, the more people click on the BP-sponsored ads, the more BP pays. Brilliant!

Why people are upset:

People, myself included, feel that BP is trying to restrict the messy flow of information (get it?) By purchasing search terms like “Oil Spill” – BP can ensure that their message and their side of the story is heard. Less tech-savvy users do not always distinguish between natural search results and paid search results.

Let me be clear – BP has the right to buy these ads and I’m not suggesting otherwise. Let’s just make sure that it costs them as much as possible.

Don’t believe me? Calculate it for yourself:

https://adwords.google.com/select/TrafficEstimatorSandbox

edit: I first learned about the BP’s advertising plan here http://consumerist.com/2010/06/bp-buys-up-search-phrases-to-keep-you-from-snooping-on-its-heroic-clean-up-efforts.html

For you, not them!

Brian Stuckey — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 01:47:16 +0000

It’s six feed of Bubble Tape.

If you grew up in the late 80′s or early 90′s, you will undoubtedly remember this classic campaign that rain continuously on Nickeloden and Nick at Night / Snick. So long as you weren’t one of them – this was for you. Gym teachers, lunch ladies, and school officials need not apply. They would probably be slimed later on You Can’t Say That on Television. Honestly, I don’t remember the gum being that good. It lost its flavor quickly and the chewy elasticity quickly died. A single container hardly lasted more than a day – which probably made the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company very happy.

The container itself was cool – it had a snapping lip at the dispenser end that almost managed to cut the gum cleanly off. A little metal would have actually made it work but some Pepsi generation little kid hyped up on sugar would probably find some creative way to cut off a finger with it.

As an aside, the tobacco like container that housed Bubble Tape provided endless outs for my alcoholic loser gym teacher when the outline of Skoal was seen imprinting in his back pocket. ”No no, that’s just Bubble Tape.” Now, Don could say it was something other than a hockey puck. Of course, he was one of “them.” I wonder how his throat is doing….

Anyways – enjoy the show!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Commercial #1

It’s the TRUTH

Your principal can’t smile
Can’t swim
Can’t rap
And can’t stand Bubble Tape

Your school bus driver can’t drive

Wears curlers
Makes funny noises
Won’t try Bubble Tape
NO WAY, JOSE!

Bubble Tape – it’s six feet of bubble gum. For you. Not them.

Commercial #2

Attention!

Your gym teacher escaped from charm school
Irons his underwear
Watches hygiene films
He says “Anyone chewing Bubble Tape owes me 50 pushups!”

The lunch lady wears a hair net
Serves mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop
Puts gravy on everything
She says “Bubble Tape is not part of a well balanced diet”

Bubble Tape – it’s six feet of bubble gum. For you. Not them.

High-tech Amish electric fireplace….

Brian Stuckey — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 04:28:41 +0000

Huh. I thought Amish people generally shunned electricity and technology…Of course, I did find this on Home Shopping Network.

High tech amish electric fireplace with a remote!

High tech amish electric fireplace - only $400!

High tech amish electric fireplace

UPDATE: this looks to be a scam. It is basically a 1,500W space heater that costs $400 and had numerous consumer complains. Not that I originally suggested anyone buy this in the first place, but this looks pretty damming: http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2009/02/amish_heaters.html

Sello Tape

Brian Stuckey — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 18:01:09 +0000

No real value add from my site – I just love this song:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lives are like retractable pencils
If you push them too hard they’re gonna break
And people are like paper dolls
Paper dolls and people, they’re a similar shape
Hmm hmm hm
Love is like a roll of tape
It’s real good for making two things one
But just like that roll of tape
Love sometimes breaks off before you were done
Another way that love is similar to tape
That I’ve noticed
Is sometimes it’s hard to see the end
You search on the roll
(search on the roll)
Search on the roll
(searching round the roll)
Search on the roll
(search)
With your fingernail
Again and again
And again and again
And again.
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with the tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff.
People people Chorus: Brown paper, white paper
Paper paper Stick it together with tape
Paper paper The tape of love
People people
People people
Pencil pencil
Pencil pencil
Paper paper
Put the pencil to the paper
Give the paper to the people
Let the people read about the sello tape
Oh baby baby
Yeah
You know, Jemaine, I’ve been thinking about love. And I guess it’s the very stron-
gest adhesive.
Oh sorry, Bret. Were you talking to me? I was humming. What did you say?
Oh, just…nothing.
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff
Yeah
Ooh brown
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
Say it
Sticky
Stick stick
Stick it together
Ye-yeah

Best IKEA Instructions

Brian Stuckey — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 03:32:08 +0000

IKEA KOFFIN

This can’t be real….

Original source unknown

Don’t Copy That Floppy!

Brian Stuckey — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 02:10:43 +0000

This has to be one of the best anti piracy films of all time. It features Oregon Trail and Carmen San Diego. Sorry for the crappy start of the video. When I transcoded it to a modern video format the beginning became a little distorted.

Just jump to about 2:00

Click here to view the embedded video.

This is the German Coast Guard….

Brian Stuckey — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:50:40 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

Just a clever commercial for English lessons

The Ugoff is hungry!

Brian Stuckey — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 05:51:27 +0000

The Ugoff is hungry!

From Wikipedia:

Ugoff is a fictional character, played by actor Daniel Raymont, in a 2004 ad campaign for Burger King directed by Roman Coppola with music composed by DEVO singer Mark Mothersbaugh.^[1] It was to promote the new “Fire-Grilled Salads” and the paper “Salad Pouch” which was used to keep the chicken and shrimp warm for the salad entrées. It was created by the Miami advertising agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky.

My second favorite commercial of all time

Brian Stuckey — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 03:55:29 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

Notes:
In the 1952 movie Singin’ in the Rain, Gene Kelly does his famous dance routine along the street and by a lamp-post. For this commercial a replica of the Singin’ set was built, and three different dancers were filmed doing some modernized Gene Kelly moves. Then Kelly’s face was superimposed onto the new footage.

One of the modern dancers is David “Elsewhere” Bernal, notable for his pop-lock/liquiding style. (Pretty much everything in this ad where it looks like his body is made of rubber)

source: http://www.splendad.com/ads/show/316-Volkswagen-Golf-GTI-Singin-in-the-Rain

One of the best commercials of all time

Brian Stuckey — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 02:54:38 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

Notes:
Created by ad agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky in Miami, Florida, Ikea’s quirky “Lamp” commercial won the Grand Prix award in the “Film” category for the world’s best TV and cinema ads at the 50th Annual Cannes Lions Advertising Festival.

source:

http://www.usatoday.com/money/advertising/2003-06-21-cannes-winner_x.htm